Monday, September 9, 2013

dressed for sex

i wear hanes no-show socks. i don't necessarily feel a brand loyalty to them, but i try to always get the same kind so i can mix and match after laundry days without thinking about it.

however, i'm a size 13. and it seems to have been agreed upon in the 20th century+ that normal human feet are sized 6-12, so that's the size hanes no-show socks come in. i look for bigger sizes, but they're not there. i even went to two different targets.

what they do have in my size, and what i ended up buying, is hanes ankle socks. socks that cover my once bared ankles. these socks are extra thick too, as if hanes decided that no one who buys a sock this big would be using it for a foot, but rather a makeshift puppet or sack. now my shoes are tight and my ankles are hidden.

i'm a young person in the prime of my sexuality. if i want to show a little flesh, i expect local retailers to support that choice and provide me with the low cut no-show articles i need. i don't know what bullshit family values crusaders have got their talons into target this time, but they're not gonna take away my right to be and feel sexy.

maybe i'm just a depraved exhibitionist, but i think the human body is beautiful and i want to share mine with the world. to see the looks on the faces of both men and women as their gaze falls on my naked ankles and lingers, hungrily, for a moment or two, as they dream of the tantric delights that might await their eager touch.

so if anyone sees hanes no-show socks bigger than 12 at their store, let me know. oh, and white only, please. last time i checked, i wasn't a gross 100-year-old man.